As a general rule, men are less naturally inclined than women to address personal or sensitive subjects. The problem lies in the way most (not all by any means!) men approach life. But even though they usually do not set out to harm, it happens all the same. They would never try to hurt their wives. Most of these men have perfectly honorable intentions. The first step toward improving one’s relationship is to understand what constitutes patterns in marriages that can be emotionally abusive. It sounds so far as if I’ve been painting the husbands as villains. The Emotionally Distant Identifying Pattern Then, even if he never improves his behavior, she can still enjoy improved personal stability. From there she can figure out better ways of relating that will cause her less stress and personal frustration. The woman can examine the ways in which she reacts to her husband. With that knowledge in hand, she can come to realize that her husband’s behavior is not her fault after all.Ģ. When a relationship unravels, the greater share of the blame ends on her doorstep.Ĭounseling, however, can help a woman learn what lies behind the scenes of her husband’s personality, what makes him do what he does. If he strays, it’s somehow her fault, at least in part. Have you noticed that in our culture, the burden of a relationship often falls on the woman? The woman is expected to “make it work.” If a man remains faithful, he gets the credit. But she can make improvements in two general areas:ġ. Her emotionally distant spouse may cling to stubborn, evasive patterns of relating. When the husband, however, is unwilling to participate in counseling, the wife still has some excellent options.
I can show spouses the best method to address their unique relational needs, and the lessons will probably “take.” Options are Available in Dealing with the Emotionally Distant Spouse. You’d be surprised how often these emotionally distant, undemonstrative men are looking, deep inside, for a way to jump-start their marriages. If at all possible, I include husbands in my counseling sessions. As frustration and confusion mount, something will eventually blow. As a result, they perch securely atop their own little time bombs. These men are unwilling to seriously explore the depths of their own emotional needs. The wives aren’t the only ones hurt by this evasiveness. These wives are living with men who have unconsciously committed themselves to an evasive way of life. Unfortunately, their husbands fail to supply that need. Most women need strong, growing relationships that are openly expressed. Good Reason to Be DisappointedĪs I consult in case after case, I see that many emotionally eager women have good reason to feel disappointed. Failure to progress is not for lack of trying.
And then faulty patterns of communication yield increasing frustration. “He cares more about his work than he does about me.”Īs the relationship fails to progress, feelings of disillusionment become entrenched.“What does it take to get through to him?”.“I think the guy is oblivious to my feelings.”.“Just when I think we’ve really connected, he does something to prove he never understood a thing I said.”.These phrases are indicators of the problem of being emotionally distant and disconnected: Over twenty-five thousand counseling sessions have shown me that the most common marital problem I encounter is the case of an emotionally eager wife whose husband will not engage with her on a deep, meaningful, and personal level. The Emotionally Eager Wife VS Emotionally Distant Husband Who Will Not Engage I often face the task of helping people understand how their emotions relate to their unsolved marriage problems. These issues are usually played out in the home. The hurting people who come to see me are trying to cope with anger, depression, anxiety in their marriage. if left unattended, They can turn into major debilitating problems. In my counseling practice I specialize in treating common emotional stresses. Are you eager to be linked in a loving relationship with a man who cares about you deeply, but it’s just not happening? Are you willing to encourage him on the deepest emotional levels, but you can’t chip through the ice? Do you feel that despite your relatively lax expectations, you are being taken advantage of? In other words, does a void exist for you because you have an emotionally distant husband?
0 kommentar(er)
